Another Day

Brother runner convinced me to caddie for him in CA. - I KNOW I will love it and am looking forward to spending time with them.  Booked it.  Gray day today.  Beautiful.  Paines Creek at low tide was spectacular.  Finished another winter quilt top - matches Paines Creek very nicely.  Borders next then layer and bind.

Paines Creek, low tide - beautiful

Paines Creek, salty air, total silence, healing

20 Blocks, Winter Blues, Fields and Furrows design 

Thought a lot about the day - up at 10, quilting, zumba, yarn for baby blanket, beach walk, deep breathing - alone but not lonely. Ok.

Pulse - shaky, determined

Dark in Here

The visual that wakes me at 4am is a very dark forest filled with monsters.  The feelings are terrifying.  The thoughts are that they will wound, likely deeply, but will not kill... The new found urge is to be brave and keep moving through, to do the right thing - no matter what  - head up, force field on.  The hope is that the journey leads to a place full of possibilities for happiness and peace.   So doing the work, have begun the ending.  Keeping busy.  Praying a lot.

The Project Linus day was a lot of fun.  I told them I was there to be bossed around and they obliged!  I ironed and cut and tied for 9 hours.  50 were completed and most took a few more each to finish up.   Expect to turn in 150 by end of Feb.  Good day.

LOTS of Linus quilts for CC babies!

Really getting into "zumba" classes.  Still a bit of a spaz but catching on pretty well.  Stopped at Fort Hill on the way to Mon night class in Wellfleet - breath taking.

Nauset Beach from Fort Hill, Eastham

Door bell rang and incredible package was delivered from my LOVELY one.  Oh so yummy and perfect.   SHE is the gift.  Ate the one with the most chocolate then headed out for a long walk on  the CCRT.  Beautiful gray, cold, crisp day today - great for deep breaths and working out.

Chocolate covered MASSIVE strawberries - OMG good.

Went along CCRT in Brewster for 1 hour - ended up at Nickerson the turned around and came back.  Went by ponds with trees covered in green Cape moss, inhaled wood stoves burning, listened to roosters crowing, moved aside for bike riders on the trail - 11829 steps round trip.  Excellent.

Cape Cod Rail Trail - Brewster

Moss covered trees in CCRT pond, Brewster

Pulse - get up, bandage up, keep moving.

Dragging

Seems terms are up in the air.. seems conversations have been had about how to really kill a wife.  Feels that way anyway.  Almost passed out yesterday.  On the edge of just too much.  But what happens at "too much"?  Nothing.  More anguish.  After many many difficult conversations, finally able to put things back together and can continue to move ahead.  Gut wrenching.  So unbelievable.  Grief stricken is a real thing.  Seems I take 1 step forward and 100 steps back.  wtf.  Had to get out before anxiety attack struck so went for a long walk to Coast Guard beach then back through the Marsh trail - over 11K steps.  Good.  

Finished putting winter quilt blocks together.  Now have to decide on which pattern.  Leaning towards "Barn Raising" but also like "Waves".  Hmmmmmmm.....

Winter Blues 

Winter Blues

36 Blocks, Winter Blues, Barn Raising design

25 Blocks, Winter Blues, Waves design

Pulse - broken

Getting Healthy

Bummer that the Pats lost - who would of thunk it?  Just a real bummer.  Spent a nice weekend with Gram and Alice having lunch munchies and watching the game.  Very funny to watch all three of us crocheting like crazy while sitting and chatting - nice weekend.  Gram needs lots of hugs. She seems older with every visit - seems to be fading, looks tired, moves very slow.  Everyone needs to talk to gram and hug her as much as possible.  Tuscany trip coming up and she's busy thinking about what to bring - will make it a great trip!

Went on a hike after zumba class today - 7 miles round trip!  A real kick ass hike along Wellfleet's Herring bay and thorough the dunes to the ocean.  The hike is called Great Island trail.  Just beautiful.  Came upon IFAW releasing some stranded dolphins.  Has been happening all over the Cape and especially in Wellfleet harbor.  Seems they get too close then get confused at low tide and cannot get back out so beach and die.

IFAW bringing a beached Dolphin into the bay, Wellfleet

IFAW working hard, Wellfleet

Herring Bay where dolphins get confused

IFAW guiding stranded dolphin out to area where 2 other dolphins were waiting

Ocean side, Wellfleet - dolphin's destination!

Processing the final paperwork, tough days.  Have agreed to terms so should not be a big deal.  Understand it will take a few months to go through the legal steps, geez.  I want to get this all done by April.  I cannot keep thinking "what if".  No more.  Moving on.  Enough.  Really enjoying spending time with the "meetup" people.  Very comforting to be making new friends.  Fri night is a "new members meet and greet" for one of the groups at a place right down the street.  Should be fun.  Sat is "Project Linus" day with  the quilt guild.  They intend to make 150 quilts for Cape babies.  I'm bringing brownies and energy and letting them boss me around to do whatever they need.  My winter ocean quilt is coming along nicely.  Actually making two at once.  And my granny crochet afgan has all squares ( 14 rows by 14 columns) sewed together one way - was my super bowl day project.  Need to sew up the other way, frost and celebrate... steady progress.

Pulse - finding peace