Closing Out

Week 11, closing out 2011 with so many changes and hopes for new beginnings.  Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Xmas Week After - family and fun.

 Gram and sibs - Xmas Eve

 My little family - Xmas Eve

 Oldest called from far away on Xmas day and talked to all of us.  Brief but heart warming.  Very nice Xmas day on the Cape.  Lots of thoughtful gifts, delicious dinner, soothing music and "Plant of the Apes" (awesome movie!)  Went for a long walk on the CCRT the day after Xmas to exercise the bub and breathe the great Cape air.  Her spirit soared.  Ours did too.

Alice visited for a few days and we checked out a some hiking trails.  We REALLY liked the Nauset Marsh Trail.  Advertised "spectacular views" and delivered.   This is definitely a place we'll return for kayaking.  Also checked out the Salt Pond National Park Visitor's Center in Eastham.  They have a great winter program agenda - plan to try lots of activities (hikes, movies, lectures).  Cruised around Coast Guard beach and Nauset Light beach and "Three Sisters" (Mary, Alice and Jane - will have to return for that photo!).  Off to the new nurse's place for a girl fest then to PB's and DebC's for New Year's eve.  Then - new year, new chapter - brave and ready.

Pulse --> Go! Go! Go!

What a day!

Marathon sewing day yesterday and more checkoffs on the list of things to finish.    Finished my stocking and hung it on the fireplace.  Looks nice.  Finished my pine tree quilt and put it on my bed.  Looks very nice.  What a day!

Winter solstice now and it's sunny, warm, and BEAUTIFUL on Cape Cod.  God Bless America!   Took a long walk on Skaket beach during low tide.  Unbelievably beautiful.  Warm breeze, sparkly waves, squaking gulls, salty air and so much sunshine - oh what a day!

 Clammers at low tide - Skaket Beach, Orleans

I walked to the surf - waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out on that horizon.  I bought some water boots so I can walk in all kinds of weather and tides.  OMG beautiful.  Skaket Beach, Orleans.

A month or so ago, in the spirit of putting things out there, you never know if you don't try, what do I have to lose ... kind of thing, I responded to an article looking for freelance writers for a Cape publication - "Prime Time" - focused on active 50+ Cape Codders.   Last night, the Editor responded asking me to submit something.  I cannot believe it.  Over the moon.  Thank you dear God.  I called my Wine Club people and they agreed to an interview.  I am also reaching out the the Cape Cod Organic Farm that Lovely tuned me on to.  Oh what a day!

Pulse - when one door closes...

Fake it til you make it

Mad rush to finish my home made Xmas stocking.  I always wanted one but was never able to get to it... now it's almost done!

Merry Xmas Mary (!)

Great quote from one of the blogs I follow.  Makes sense to me.  All about hanging tough, figuring it out. I am also coming to some calming realizations - while QUITTING is not acceptable -  just isn't -  LETTING GO is acceptable.  Sometimes, things just do not make sense, do not work, are not healthy and never will be.  So - LET GO.  I am very close.  Peace is eminent and maybe I will finally find a way to come down from that dream mountain.  Maybe I'll even climb a new one :)  .... My end of year conclusions and my new year hopes.

Paines Creek - very cold and windy, salty, beautiful

Pulse - fake it til you make it

Pet Sitting Duties

Dog and cat sitting this weekend for Lovely.  Arrived Thurs for my instructions and a yummy Indian food dinner :)  My pal Lucy is as sweet as ever and her buddy Dale (the chat) is not too bad.  I still can't pick him up else my eyes melt and I can't breathe... too bad. He is a cute little bugger and so soft.

 Lucy - asking to "go out please" :)

 Lucy has very short hair and gets chilly.  She prefers to be covered while napping...

Dilly dally Dalely - so soft and cute.  His gaze is intense.  At one point, I think he was monitoring my brain waves.

They left on Fri morning after hooking me up with good treats and lots of instructions and the leash and turned me on to the "Breaking Bad" series.  OMG!  They have lots of techno gadgets to get all kinds of movies and internet and tv and you name it.  Last time I was here for a few days, I watched the "Dexter" series - holy crap.  This time it's "Breaking Bad".  There are 33 episodes of about 45 - 55 minutes each. At first, I thought the main guy - Walter - was a wimp and was curious to see how the character was going to evolve. The story is about a science teacher that has a 40 yo pregnant wife, a 16 yo son with cerebal palsy and has just learned that he has late stage lung cancer. To pay his huge bills, he becomes a master drug chemist cooking up killer batches of crystal meth and partners with this stoner character to sell it all.  Unbelievable. It takes place in New Mexico. What a story line.  Lucy and I stayed up until 3:30a last night watching through episode 16. I worked on a baby quilt (for the someday chest) and kept telling Lucy - omg!.  Holy moly.  So Walter has come into his own now and is no longer a wimp.  Now he is a bad ass.  Very entertaining!  Made a lot of progress on my 7th baby quilt while watching.  These all go into my "someday HOPE chest";)

Lots of remotes to make sure BB comes in loud and clear!  And fuel and new baby blanket under construction.

Met dear friend Em for a nice lunch and lots of catching up.  She's a wise woman and I so enjoy her company.  Plan to find lots of ways to stay connected with Em.  And tomorrow it's off to PB's for a lovely friend day.  Nice weekend.

Pulse - hanging on

Week 9 - Back from Vegas!

Vegas trip to celebrate another graduation was wonderful.  Number One son looks good - solid, happily married, glad to be a grad.  Stayed at the Wynn - so luxurious.  While sitting at the bar the first night, bartender offered up 2 free tickets to Cirque de Soliel's "Le Reve".  We said SURE!  They poured our drinks into plastic glasses (whiskey and coke for him, cosmo for me :) and we went in!  4 rows from the stage.  Awesome show - wildly colorful, incredible acrobatics, terrifying dives into the water from over 100 feet in the air, sexy dancing (also in the water!) - just awesome.

Intermission at "Le Reve" ( The Dream).

Played the slots at the Wynn - won some then gave it back at the bar.  Fun.  I can see how it would be SO easy to get carried away and keep pumping in the $$ waiting for that big payoff that is just at the next roll.... OMG!  I maintained though....

Gaming room - The Wynn hotel

The graduation event was really something.  Impressive.  Proud.  So many handsome young people and their families gathered to celebrate a huge success.  118 started the program, 90 graduated.  JTM is now the "weapons officer" ("weapon" in the AF stands for aircraft and "HH-60" is the helicopter that he flys) for his squadron.  A big deal for his career in the AF.  He's beaming and he's glad it's over.  Seems it was extremely stressful.  Never was one to make a big deal out of any accomplishment.  But that's what ceremonies are all about and we learned that this is INDEED a very big deal in the AF so YEH JTM!  Well done dear son.

 "DIL" was able to make it which made him so happy.  They are very much in love - still newlyweds.  Look very beautiful together.  Makes me happy that he is so happy.  Right now, it's just them against the world!

Pulse - here's to you my number one son

A Tuesday

Gram and I had a really nice dinner party with a few of the Mulligans last night - the mother and the boy children.  We had Gram's famous meatballs - extra yummy - and some chianti from Tuscany (Gram and I are educating our taste buds :), then we played "Bananas".  Jane won.  She is very smart.   The boys kept up - good sports.  It was a peaceful night.  Felt very good.

Boy#1, Jane, Last Boy, Gram - Starlight clubhouse :)

We chose our tag from the Library Giving Tree (female, 16 yo) and went to the mall where we picked up a fab gift certificate which Gram wrapped in a beautiful package.  We hope this young lady will be a little merrier this year :)  Also feels good.
Then we went to the Cape Cod Chip factory and watched the busy bees making MOUNDS of chips... ooo it smelled amazing!

 Start of the Cape Cod Chip factory tour - Hyannis

We drove back along rte 6a looking for a little Italian place that Alice and Jane and I went to a few years ago.  We thought it was in Dennis.  It had about 10 tables, a loonnnggg waiting line and unbelievably great food.  Well Gram and I FOUND IT!  Ha!  It's called "Gina's Table".  Unfortunately, it's closed until the Spring.  But now that I know where it is, it's on the list of great places to go!  Then we drove through some dunes and came upon the Mayflower beach (honest) in Dennis.  And we had to stop and soak it in.  Low tide - as far as we could see.  Salty air.  Warm breeze.  December on the Cape.  Geez.

Mayflower beach, low tide as far as you can see, Dennis

Also talked with Joe - last flight test tonight then DONE!  YEH Joe.  And the parents will sleep again.  Will see him in 3 days... counting down!

Been busy but not stressed.  Making a list and checking it twice and getting it done, but not stressed.   Slower pace...pretty not too bad.  I looked through the Community Education brochures - Pilates class, or Spin Fit class, or Spanish conversation class or learning to play Bridge class... many choices.  I want to meet people, preferably under 70, and build a rich social life here on the Cape along with lots of visits from dear friends far and wide..... I'm leaning to the Bridge (I love card games and this will feed my competitive side!) and think I'll do the physical stuff on my own right now.

I had that stupid dream again last night.  This time I was high up on a rocky ledge with DEEP jagged cracks all around me.  I struggled so much to get to the top.  I was out of breath, so sweaty and achey and had I bloody knees.  No one on the top would make eye contact with me.  My head was pounding and I tried to open my eyes but they felt glued shut.  I could not figure out how to get down.  OMG!!! All around me were cracks and holes and ice.  I almost had a panic attack.  It felt so terrible. Then I woke up.  That was at 4:24 this morning.    Tonight, Advil PM.

Pulse - wtf

Magnum opus

I looked it up  - Magnum opus (plural: magna opera, also opus magnum / opera magna), from the Latin meaning "great work",^[1] refers to the largest, and perhaps the best, greatest, most popular, or most renowned achievement of a writer, artist, or composer.


As of right now, this is mine.  The "Wool Bed Rug".  All hand made.  Started Sept. 2005 and after being on my mind for six years and with 252 joyful labor hours invested, it was completed tonight --> Dec. 4, 2011.  My Magnus Opus.  The real deal will be hanging on a wall in Newry, Maine:

Pulse - satisfied

Week 8 Begins

I love to start Sunday mornings with "Sunday Morning".  It's a gentle and interesting 90 minutes.  So we enjoyed our coffee and watched.  Inspired me to add another item to my bucket list - wouldn't it be awesome to see the Aurora B or the night sky from Antarctica.  NLM has this on her list too sooo...hmmmmm.  Then we went for our morning exercise - a walk on the beach and some beach combing for beautiful wampam.

 Nauset beach - surf side

 Spirit soaring - Gram style.  Morning walk - Nauset.  The day was chilly, sunny, salty and awesome.

 Beach exercise - down and up for so many treasures!

Nauset wampam.  We have a glass jar just waiting for these.

Enjoyed a delicious dinner and watched the Patriots romp Indy.  Gram's favorite shows are on tv tonight too.  Another very nice day.

Thinking about Joe a lot today.  The weather in the west is extremely windy - how can he fly in that?  This is his last week of craziness then he's done - educated and graduated.  He promised I could take lots of pictures.  And I want lots of him with ME IN THEM.

Tomorrow, we're going to the Brewster Ladies Library (?) to pick two gift tags off the "Giving Tree".  I like to do that.  And Jane and her boys will be joining us for dinner and a nice visit (and Gram's famous meatballs - yum).   I like to do that too!  'Tis  the season.

Pulse - seeing things differently, finally

Relaxing days

Gram and I have been busy - finishing sewing projects and crocheting projects and checking out the surf and the bogs and thoroughly enjoying Cape Cod in the awesome weather!  We try to get out every day and we try to cook something yummy every day too!   Gram found some great new shoes that really help her.  No more dragging her feet and shuffling along!  So far, so good.  We went to a Tuscany trip meeting, nice people.  They're trying to fit in a dinner in Paris too.  We said we're in!
Looking forward to seeing Joe next week.  Can't wait!  Looking forward to spending time with him and Tom and Kristy.  Tis the season - wouldn't it be great if it went well?  Oh I hope so.

Brewster condo, peaceful

  Gram walking the Cape Cod Rail Trail (CCRT) with her new shoes!

 Gram checking out a HUGE bog along the CCRT

Wool masterpiece in progress - putting it all together!
Pulse - all ok

Thanksgiving come and gone

Mid week 7 - at the Cape with Gram.  Alice and Jane joined us on Sat for a real treat - we went to the "lobster pot tree lighting" in PTown.  It was a balmy night and festive and a lot of fun. And sure enough, a topper of buoys was dropped (via crane) onto a stack of lobster pots and the whole shebang was lit up!  Very neat to see!  Jane beat me at scrabble later that night.  I know she took it easy on me too. She didn't use any of her two letter internet scrabble words - but she beat me anyway.  Smarty pants that one.  Alice beat me earlier in the week.  I need more practice.

Lobster Pot Tree lighting - PTown

Mary, Gram, Jane and Alice - most famous photo spot in PTown (!)

Gram and I have a list of Christmas things to do and have been checking them off day by day.  We do try to make it to the beach everyday to see what's what.  Awesome.  What a beautiful place this is.

Fort Hill, Eastham, Nov 27

Mending traps - Chatham, Nov 28

Linnell Landing, Brewster Flats, Nov 29

 Plans have changed and no longer going to Zion or Bryce.  I'm sad about that.  But trip to Vegas is still ON and will finally see number one son again.  So looking forward to seeing him.  Seems the grad ceremony is at the Flamingo and is a bit fancy.  Hmmmmm..... Will be staying at the Wynn - definitely fancy :)

Keeping busy during this tough season seems to be the best approach - else what, die?  Not yet.
Pulse - making a list and checking it twice

Week 6 begins on the Cape.  Doesn't feel like 6 weeks of no work.  Not one day have I woken up and felt I should be going to work.  Not one day.  I have not dreamed about it, I have not missed it, I cannot imagine doing it again.  Interesting.  I do think about doing something else.  When I was in Maine, I saw lots if interesting jobs at the resort from full time to seasonal.  I almost applied for a few then thought - cripe! not yet.  There are a few interesting things here on the Cape too.  I have mixed feelings - pursue or chill?  For now, I'm going to chill and work on learning to sleep deeply and for more than 3 hours at a time and heal my sore heart and tired body.  And I want to make it down from those high places in my dreams without being terrified of dieing - geez. Now those are worthy pursuits. I am even able to stay up for 10pm tv shows now!  Ooolala!
Cold and cloudy today - nice weather to hunker down and work on holiday prep - cooking apps, cleaning my stove ( using Ansell gloves - finally!), finding my Xmas stuff, reviewing my gift list.  So many things I can do now without rushing or worrying or STRESSING OUT... so nice.  Gram is coming for a week or so after Tday then T and I are going to see Joe and spend some time at Zion and Bryce.  Firmed those reservations up the other day so we're good to go.
Good discussion on NPR the other day - "what would you tell your 15 year old self"?  Well:

• choose wisely
• practice good manners all the time
• learn to dance really well
• learn another language and find ways to speak it often
• work very hard
• help others - kindness matters
• do not be mean
• pray
• find the gifts
• resist thinking negative thoughts - just don't.

Had a great time at PB's party.  So nice to see good friends again.  Lots of laughs and hugs and remember whens and let's do soons.  It felt so good and safe.  Many thanks for these friends.  PB is fascinated by the birds that visit her feeder.  She especially likes the red cardinal, a real beauty.  Simple delights for a simply wonderful friend.

 Dear friends - Nov 18, 2011

 PB and "B" - happy birthday!

Looking out or looking in?

Crosby Landing, Brewster - Nov 24, 2011 - tide going out

Pulse - thankful

Around the Cape

Had a few a rainy, windy, cold days on the Cape this week.  My little condo is nice and cozy.  Finished up a few sewing gifts and took myself to lunch and a drive around.  Everything is beautiful - cranberry bogs freshly harvested, dunes wind swept and empty, light house circling and circling. The stores are starting to twinkle - getting ready for all the holiday events coming up.  I'm bringing Gram here for 2 weeks after TDay and we plan to hit all  the holiday spots.  Got our tickets to Tuscany yesterday.  Also got tickets to see Il Divo in Montreal in May.  Mother's Day gift to Gram.  She will be excited!  We'll do a long weekend.  I think about spending money when I'm not making money and that just does not seem right.  Then I think about all  the years I made money but didn't  spend money and that just does not seem right either. I have to make sure my  money makes money then spend that.  The American Way.  ha!  Headed to PB's today for our reunion.  Can't wait to see her and all the buds.  Will see the NLM on Sat then back here for a few days before TDay.  Busy is best right now.

 Harwich Bog

 Pleasant Bay - Harwich

Chatham Light

Pulse --> busy

Week 5 - On the Cape

Headed back to the Cape on Tuesday afternoon after bringing my faithful companion home to her mother.  I was sad to leave her.  I forgot how much I like dogs - such great companions, so consistently adoring and eager to please.  But also - a great responsibility.  This is a living thing that is totally relying on me to feed her and give her water and take her for safe walks.  And she is the LOUDEST sleeper - what a snore horn on that creature.  But what a great friend.  I'll dogsit whenever I can get her.  And I'm sure a dog of my own is in my future.
I wasn't sure I really wanted to come back to the Cape after such a beautiful time in Maine.  Felt a bit like a gypsy on the move again.  But I was looking forward to going to the "Grapevine" wine club meeting this week and hoping to make a friend or two there.  Once I got here - Cape Cod - OMG what a beautiful place!  Geez it's really something.  And once I got to my condo - OMG what a pretty place.  All my lovely things are hear and it smells good and it's warm and homey.  My pledge to myself is no serious decisions for at least 1 year so I will just relax and enjoy whichever beautiful place I happen to be in at the moment.
So I went to the Grapevine meeting last night all syched to meet some new people and to start digging Cape roots.  It was held at the Cultural Center in a cool, old, brick building in Yarmouth.  I was one of the first to arrive - of course - and sat at one the tables arranged in a big circle with a bar set up in the middle.  The hosts chatted with me - husband from Portugal, wife from Italy and moved to the Cape 3 years ago.  Very friendly.  Then everyone else arrived.  All came in two by two.  By two by TWO.... rats.  I didn't even think of that.  Everyone else there was a matched set.  19 of us in all.  One empty seat.  Right next to me.  I almost cried but I didn't.  I just said, "yes, I'm here alone, so how long have you lived on the Cape?"  And they were mostly retired couples - I'd guess 70s.  But whatever.  The rest of the evening was fun and I did learn some things about wine like "this wine tastes like cloves and earth" just describes the flavor which is a function of the place it was grown "terrior - earth".  The nature of the soil and the amount of sun and water, the exact circumstances of harvest day - all contribute to the flavor of the wine. Very interesting.  The monthly meetings start in January where they will explore one country's wine each month.  I'll likely go to learn and chat up a few of the oldies to learn some interesting things about the Cape and about them.  Why not.

Pulse --> busted up  

Week 5

Week 5 starts in Maine.  The first 4 have been restful - lots of fresh air, time to think, chance to finish sewing projects and actually spend some time playing on the internet.  Ha!  Also - I have learned a few things about drm.  I have learned that I am used to having "people".  I actually don't know how to do a lot of things myself.  I can run a multi million $ project but I am confused about how to fix the tv screen.  I am confused about how to load the right browser so I can upload photos.  I am confused about how to start a stupid fire.  I am worried about walking in the woods.  I am sleepless alone in a house.  I have no idea how to turn the alarms off (or on).  I don't know many how-to-take-care-of-things things.  So, I am learning.  While I sure do like to have "people", I find myself without them at this time and the show must go on - so I am learning.   And I carry a big stick in the woods to fend off bad men and beasts. Hunting season is in full swing.  Lots of both in the woods I think.
Lucy was so anxious to get outside today.  Sometimes I think I can hear her talking to me saying "When are we going out? Can we go out now? Are you almost ready to go out? About time to go out?"  She loves to go out (!).  We went to the top of our trusty dirt road - steep climb with lots of great sniffing spots and a big puddle at the top for some serious splashing around.  She seems to like to climb on rocks and look out into the wild.

 Then we headed to the river.  It was very loud and we wanted to see if the cairn that we started was still there.  We did not see or hear another human all day.  No voices.  Just lots of rushing river and lots of wind through the trees.  Actually a very windy day today but warm, and awesome.  Rushing river, howling wind and a happy dog.  It was a good day.

Pulse --> healing

Visit with Alice

Alice came to visit for a few days.  We crafted and took long walks ( daily recomended 10000 steps) and went on a picnic and ate good food and chilled.  And, most importantly, I beat her at Scrabble (only 1 time but it's a start).  The PRIZE is that for the next game, Alice will keep score. (Ha!  She hates to keep score).   She wanted to play "ZA" but couldn't use it in a sentence so NOT allowed.  We looked it up after the game and yes it is a word re:  music (or slang for pizza :) so next time we'll allow it.  We checked out the "S" swimming hole then went the other way and explored "Frenchman's hole".  Very nice visit.  Wonder dog enjoyed both directions.  She just likes to go OUT.  I'm not sleeping very well these days.  Could be the 75 lbs of dog snoring at my feet, not sure.  Have been having very wierd dreams - recurring.  I'm on a big hill (or pile or slope ) that was very difficult to climb and cannot figure out how to get down.  It takes me a long time and it's terrifying in all directions but I finally get down.  Then I wake up and am all shook up. I have this dream almost every night now. Wonder when it will not be so terrifying to get down.

Pulse -> nervous

Stormy weather

After many days of unbelievable fall weather, a storm is coming.   Brought in plenty of wood, stocked up on good food and beverages :), had the tub guy check out the tub and now watching it come through.  Also awesome weather.  Now I can spend a few days working on my quilts and and maybe cooking a new recipe.  I am trying to perfect a few home made soups - starting with a roasted tomato soup and a black bean cilantro soup.  So far, yum.  I was talking with Lucy on our walk the other day and I realized I would have missed all this beautiful weather.  It has been so perfect and soul soothing and I would have missed it all.  But this time, I did NOT miss it.  I was smack dab in the middle of it and breathing it all in.  Yahoo for sabbaticals.

Pulse --> grateful

A day to ride

Another high 60's, sunny, blue sky, warm breeze kind of day in the mountains - what a gift!  After a nice walk with the pooch and a few chores, we decided to take the bike out for a long ride to some place new for lunch.  What an awesome day to be on a harley.  We rode along the Androscogin river through Rumford and through lots of rural mountain towns.  Just beautiful. I can really feel the weather on the back of the bike - the air is warm and wonderful in the sun then dips at least 10 degrees cooler in the shadows.  The aromas are killer - earthy wood stoves, fragrant pine and leaves in the warm woods and sweet hay along the river.  Lots of fall cultivating in progress in those massive corn fields along the river - made me think "endless waves of grain" (!).  How do people live out there in those remote areas - no stores, no schools, no gas?  I always wonder, where do they work, what do they do all day, are they happy?  I imagine that they ARE happy.  Lucky. We headed for the Auburn/Lewiston Harley shop ("LA") and stopped at Gritty's in Auburn for lunch along the way.  Nice pub along another river.  Found the Harley shop and got a few things for the bike and the man.  It always feels very cool going into a Harely store.   We wanted to beat the sunset so started back right away.  Boy does it get cold fast speeding along the mountain roads on a bike on a late afternoon in November.  But boy is it beautiful speeding along the mountain roads on a bike on a late afternoon in November.  Very spirit soaring.  Very.  Of course, ended the day in the hot tub, with an Octoberfest Sammie.  A good day.

 Pulse --> enjoying the gifts